Log in

No account? Create an account
(no subject)  
01:07am 29/04/2008
Do you believe in ghosts? If so, have you ever seen one?

Oh yes.
    whisper sweet nothings to me Link
(no subject)  
04:50am 20/04/2008
What if the pain in my belly and the pain in my heart rise up against me and claim my soul?

I'm finally starting to feel like I can function but my libido seems to be holding me back. I dont understand what is wrong with me. There are people that go years without sex. I think the next step is going to include my battle against all aspects of fear. Changing all aspects which make me a fearful, anxious, pesimistic, and thus weak person. I want God to take those and make me a faithful, joyfully anticipating, optimistic, courageous however humble, and thus strong person.

I know, I know...me, strong?
Well, it'd be nice for a change. You know. So I can fight.

Fight what, Vincent old boy?

The lie that has consumed me. That’s what I’m fighting. Fuck you Silent Hill, fuck you.

That feels so much better. ^^

I'm irritated at a lot of things, and a lot of people in particular. Can't you guys like give it a rest?! Is it a must to be BETTER than me? Whatever I do, you can do better?! Give it a damned REST. It's prejudice, and it's ignorance, on a level that is staggering at this point in time. I honestly don't care if you're better than me, richer than me or more popular than me. I like the way I am. Debauched, depressed and cynically charming me.

Look, nobody's got to read this one. I just want to write it. I know it's weird and kind of stupid, but I just want to write it.

In other news, my eye is still twitching despite a nearly caffeine-free day (have the headache to prove it), and if it's not stopped twitching by tomorrow, I'm having caffeine, because there's no way I can handle well, whatever I end up doing tomorrow if I'm half asleep and headachey and crabby/easily made frantic like this.
mood: crankycranky
    whisper sweet nothings to me Link
(no subject)  
03:27pm 29/03/2008
Cockroaches just creep me the fuck out.
The ones here in the Hill not only have faces, they seem to have their own fuckin' society.
I'm pretty sure the ones I saw were talking about me as I went past the sink.

As soon as they knew I knew they ran. Just as well. I was about to smack their shit up with the plunger.

I'm not sure it would have worked.

Aah me. The weight of the world on my heart.
Look, one of those meme things:Read more...Collapse )
    Read 26 whisper sweet nothings to me Link
(no subject)  
02:57am 22/03/2008
I have this eye condition called keratoconus. It causes a warping of the eye's retina, which in turn causes light to come in at weird angles, which in turn causes light to refract at weird angles when my eye receives it, impairing my vision. It is worst at night when driving.

Oncoming headlights will streak so much that I sometimes have difficulty seeing five yards ahead of me and I focus on that small window of vision to prevent from driving over a curb, and if my destination is a small entrance on the side of a major road I normally have to drive by it before I recognize it, and then I make a u-turn to enter.

But cars don't work here, so I'm sure you all care so much.

I was sad though, and that's why I thought of my eyes at all. I know, I know, don't cry, emo VincentCollapse )
    whisper sweet nothings to me Link
(no subject)  
01:54am 03/03/2008
In that book which is
My memory...
On the first page
That is the chapter when
I first met you
Appear the words...
Here begins a new life
- Dante.

Love. People bandy the word around so much, but what the fuck is it? How do you know if you've got it??? Honestly what exactly is it other than an emotional bond? If you are in love do you realize it? How do you know you are truly in love? Do you know the difference between being in love and just loving something? Is the only difference the passion in it? Most of all do you throw those three words around like candy on Halloween? I am not saying question your relationships or anything but just how do you know? Is it the need to protect the one you are with? The urge to stay with them forever? Maybe something as simple as how their smile just warms you up inside enough to make you smile too? Maybe the fact that when they are not around you think of nothing but little cute memories of you and them together? Maybe how you can put up a fight when you argue with them but you forgive them almost instantly and apologize for being such a bitch? Maybe you find it in the little moments? A test of endurance. how long can we go before we ultimately fall for our natural desires and instincts?

Gah! This is so frustrating...

Say this say that then turn me around and bend me over and fuck me in the ass just like you always do.

It's just easier, I suppose to stop worrying about these almighty abstracts of meaning and emotion, right?
mood: confusedconfused
    whisper sweet nothings to me Link
(no subject)  
09:28pm 27/02/2008
Just to let you know- I am having scads of SEX and am perfectly content with my life finally!Collapse )

But I promised I'd talk to Xulchi anyway. I better get going...

pray for me.
    Read 19 whisper sweet nothings to me Link
(no subject)  
06:09am 27/02/2008
For some strange, neurotic reason, I have always been, but have become even moreso in the last few days, a believer in real, tangible love, heartfelt and
sentimental and tragic and intimate, all those great idealistic things that have nothing to do with sex or money or connections. I actually feel it from the inside, in a very awful erotically painful sort of way, and it's something that I suspect is wholly alien to most people, which makes it even weirder.

I find myself questioning if my desire to love someone so completely is something that I will be able to obtain. If it's possible for someone like me, so broken, misguided, and undeserving, to trust someone not to break my heart, and be willing and able to accept it.

my butt hurts when i sit down.

Maybe it's a matter of determination? I mean, at 20 miles a month, a determined Burmese python from Florida could arrive in San Francisco as early as August 2020.
It would be exceptional for one animal to be that unidirectional in its movement,

but it's mathematically possible.

The glow of a laptop's LCD is always comforting at this time of night and though less comforting than say, the fingers of a loving hand entwined with my own, for what it's worth, this has its own appeal. I do my best work under duress, and I see my most accurate reflection in those moments before I surrender my consciousness for the night.
    Read 2 whisper sweet nothings to me Link
(no subject)  
02:02pm 19/02/2008

Gaahhh!!! the birds are back!!! This is just fukt icing on the fuckcake of phail.

I'm past the point of being afraid. At this point, it's survival, and not letting these fucking undead bastards get me without a fight.

I've gotten all the non-perishables in the church and stocked up my bathroom. It doesn't have windows, and I figure the running water should be utilized while it lasts. I've filled up my bathtub, took the TV and my laptop in with me in case Ulf or anyone wants to come rescue me, or taunt me in such a way I can hone my snark skills and lambast their troll asses back. (Also, there were some things on Tanaka's Amazing Commodities I have got to buy, zombie raven apocalypse or not.)

They say in the event of an earthquake or tornado the plumbing is the toughest thing in any house, so the bathroom usually survives... should I hop IN the tub lest the birds somehow start a fire???? I'm not sure in the event of an explosion I could pull the tub loose and climb under it.

Earlier, one of those zombie wizard things was in the chapel. It looked pretty pecked tho, so I finished it off by yelling at it to go away and throwing hymnals at its head.

It stopped moving after awhile, and I'm a little too leery to go forward and confirm its death. Or, since it's a zombie, would that be it's double-death?

I closed all the windows and plugged in one of those exotic scent plug-ins-mmm, Bountiful Blackberry scent- and I’m hoping the stench of death will dissipate. Because it’s seriously made of nasty.

and now, inappropriately, a memeCollapse )
    Read 3 whisper sweet nothings to me Link
(no subject)  
03:25am 18/02/2008
dear god,

I just want everything to turn out perfect and normal. please make this happen for me? I want to be happy. Would you grant me these wishes? I promise to fulfill all your demands and try not to miss any prayers.

Well. So much for that.
That still, silent voice they always told us in seminary school to listen for. I think I must have never gotten the right frequency to tune Her in.

Oh well.
anywayCollapse )
    whisper sweet nothings to me Link
(no subject)  
10:25pm 07/02/2008
Don't you just hate it when you open up the "post" page with all these profound things in mind, only to forget them all when faced with that little cursor?
But knowing me, I'm going to rant anyway, cos I'm your fuckin' priest, right? Blah-blah-blah.Collapse )
    Read 4 whisper sweet nothings to me Link

round the world and home again...  
  Previous 10
Next 10
December 2011  

  Powered by